Immune System

Dear Immune System,

I thought I had been taking the proper steps to strengthen our relationship. We were doing better, working as one, a team. But now you go and pull this shit at the most inconvenient of times. I'm frustrated with you, immune system, because you are making life difficult, you are making me miss my college days, and you are making me look flaky. I have to resort to barely-there-humor in order to express my feelings about you. The truth is, immune system, I really am starting to hate you. It would be nice if you could let the doctors know why the hell you insist on being such a rebel, so that maybe I can start to commit to things that I'm sincerely excited to do without having to back out last minute in order to spare my health.

You make me feel old immune system, and I'm not old. I'm only 20 and therefore you are only 20, so please quit the drama and start acting your damn age. At the very least, speak up and let me know what I can do for you, proper communication is the key to a healthy relationship. I've cut out dairy immune system, I've strived for a proper sleep cycle that represents that of someone much older than I immune system, I've tried several medicines and methods and steps. You trick me, immune system, when you decide to lay low and behave for awhile, and then spring up unexpected with guests I wasn't really prepared to deal with.

If I could replace you, immune system, I really would. Our relationship isn't working out and I'm suffering and you are suffering and sometimes the people and relationships around me are suffering. I would really like to not spend my weekends visiting a cycle of doctors who can't explain to me why you insist on being so stubborn, immune system.

Maybe I want to spend my weekends doing crazy college things that need no explanation because...well I'm in college.

So you better start shaping up, immune system, because I'm getting really sick of your behavior. I wear the pants in this relationship and I'm in charge. There is no room for argument, no room for rebellious behavior. I don't care if your lazy and don't feel like doing your job because I would really like to do my own job, my own education, my own relationships and not have to factor you in and work around your schedule. I have my own schedule to deal with, immune system, so get the freaking picture and behave.

That is all for now, just know that I am disappointed.

Let's Talk About Sex

I know, I know...corny title. But seriously, let's talk about sex. A HUGE chunk of my life has been consumed with controversy surrounding a keynote speaker that was being brought to the OSU campus for the Modern Sex conference. Tristan Taormino, because of her background in feminist pornography, was uninvited by OSU administrators because they felt they couldn't responsibly fund her appearance as a key note speaker with tax payer money.

Censorship, freedom of speech, and anti-feminism arguments aside, Tristan was angry (reasonably so) and so were OSU Students.

Long story short, we got her here, after a month or so of drama filled work days. Tonight she spoke in the Lasell's Stewart Center about "Claiming Your Sexual Power" and to put it bluntly: IT WAS AMAZING! Tristan has combined a lot of the things that I'm passionate about into a career and her event tonight made me think a lot about sex, the sex industry, feminism, and the media.

I've always been extremely open about my sexuality and my sexual activity. I believe our society has a huge issue in that we label women who enjoy sex as sluts and whores. Then we turn around and label women who aren't ready for sex as prudes and teases. It's a double standard, a weird double-edged sword that ends bad for both sides.

First: Sex is natural. It's fun. It's stress-relieving (it should be). It's a lot of things. But, as Tristan reminded me and a crowd full of "Collective Sexual Beings" sex in our society is bad. It's used as an advertising agent and then shut behind closed doors. It's a taboo. It's not something to be openly expressed or talked about.

It's not something we educate our society about. Sex education in high school seriously got me nowhere. I didn't use any of that information when I began to explore my own sexual self. I was thrown into a world I knew nothing about and I felt around the darkness for the light switch...for a LONG time.

Why does it have to be this way? Why can't we offer sex positive education in our high schools, in our middle schools? Why can't we be a society that embraces our sexuality and sexual nature? A society that is open to different ideas of pleasure and desire, of what feels good and what doesn't? Why can't we have sex positive images in the media, images that accurately portray the diverse world of sex?

Why can't this be the thing that connects my two majors together? Why can't I take a degree in Women Studies and a degree in New Media Communications and work hard to provide people with an extensive sexual knowledge.

I can't tell you how many times I've dealt with sideways glances, rolled eyes, and muttered whispers when I bring up sex and sexuality. It's no surprise that I categorize myself as a feminist. But do you want to know my stance on sex?

If you're comfortable with it, do it. If you like it and you can claim pleasure in it and you are safe about it. DO IT! IF you want to have multiple partners and you do so in a respectful and safe manner that includes those partners being in the "know" with each other. Freakin DO IT

If you aren't yet comfortable with sexuality or with intercourse, don't do it.

Be you. In the words of the great Tristan Taormino, claim your sexual power.

What is so bad about a woman who likes sex? Who has slept with a lot of people? Who has been safe and respectful in her sexual activities?

Similarly, what is so bad about a man who does the same thing?

Thank you Tristan Taormino, for you have given me a lot of inspiration and a lot to think about. I think that I want to focus on human sexuality and steer my career towards being a sex advocate in the SEX INDUSTRY.

Yes, I've confessed an interest to work in the sex industry. Now how many of you cringed when reading that? Think about why.

Winter Term is getting to me

It's the end of week 5 of Winter Term and I'm visibly stressed. I have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and I constantly find myself with a lump in my throat over the silliest things.

I'm really trying hard to stay on top of all the stuff I need to do, but I'm falling behind in homework. The weekends are really the only chance that I get to work on school, but by that time I'm so stressed that all I want to do is relax a little. So I usually do it, then I start feeling guilty for not staying on the grind.

I know I need to manage my time a little better and maybe look into quick methods of relaxation during the week. I hate the way stress fills your entire body so that every little thing that happens in your life adds to the huge amount of weight on your shoulders.

Things that usually wouldn't bother me are making me want to cry lately. I'm trying to stay positive and energetic, but I'm finding myself without any motivation more and more. I wish, again, that there was some quick cure for stressful situations.

I'm not going to lie- part of it is definitely Corvallis. It isn't home for me. It's hard to describe..but after a long, exhausting day you just want to go home and relax...Corvallis isn't it for me. I don't go home and relax until the weekend, when I drive to Portland. Sometimes I can literally feel the stress falling away as I blast down I5.

Sometimes I'm beyond that, like this weekend.

I've made a decision, last weekend, that I really think is fundamental to both my well being and my experience/education. I'm going to transfer to PSU after Spring Term. Mainly because I feel I've gotten a lot of experience from Student Media at OSU and it's time to focus on internships, which are all in Portland. It just makes sense to go to school there.

That and what I mentioned before...Portland is my home. I love it. I constantly miss it. If I'm honest with myself, I'm really not very happy in Corvallis. I think it's the best decision for me.

Well...anyways..now that I've whined and bitched about my life (it's probably getting pretty tiring for some of you and I apologize for that) it's time to focus on school, then pick up my best friend from the bus station tonight and focus on relaxing.

Half way through...we can all make it!