And it all comes crashing down

My homework that is...it's lying in a big undone pile at my feet. I don't know where the time went, it slipped through my fingers and now I need to get on that grind.

BIG TIME.

Oh summer, you can't come soon enough.

Stress seems to be a theme these days.

So yesterday was a really bad day for me. It was one of those days where you're trying really hard to turn it around and obstacles keep being thrown in your face. Despite my hopeful post yesterday, by the end of the day I was a big ball of anger and sadness. I spent the night watching sad movies so I wouldn't feel so pathetic crying, which admittedly I don't do often enough. Though I was able to watch some really great (and emotional) movies, I should have been working on the stuff that I needed to get done.
I made a vow that at 11:00pm I would make my way to the library, which is conveniently open 24 hours now, and tackle the ever growing pile of homework I keep putting off.
I watched a movie, cried, hopped in the shower so tear tracks wouldn't show, got out and instead of getting in my car and driving the ten minutes to campus, I got right back into bed with some pizza.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and realized you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Ah Spring Term, how happy I was that you had come into my life a few weeks ago. How different I feel now.

Let me put it this way: I AM BUSY. My schedule is off the hook hectic, I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, and I'm starting to get a bit bitchy.
Sometimes I love being a bitch, but being a bitch because I'm stressed really sucks. I don't even want to be around me when a good old fashioned bitch fit is thrown down. Who is that girl? She's not me.

So I'll reflect on this change I need to make:

This weekend I participated in Peace Jam, which took up my entire weekend. Is that a complaint? No way! I loved it. It was such a great learning opportunity and it really taught me a lot about myself and the things I do. It taught me about some of the shitty ways I communicate with people and how to change that. I realized that sometimes I spend so much time worrying about money or school or stuff like that. You know what? Fuck it.

In the big, grand scheme of things. My money crunching for this month doesn't mean anything. I have it great, my life is great. I'm one lucky girl.

I would love to get more involved with the world. The nobel peace laureate, Jody Williams, was really an inspiration for me. I WANT TO MAKE A CHANGE. I want to embrace my feminist side and roar at the world. I want to do something that people will remember, that will impact someone.

So what should I do?

Stop worrying about this stupid shit and start focusing more of my time on things that matter.

Learn to love yourself.

Yeah, so the media might bombard us with images of stick thin girls with perfect hair/skin/clothes/body everyday.  And your television, your computer, your radio, your magazine might be telling you that that is the only image of beauty in our society.
They are wrong
We are all beautiful in some way. Whether it's your sunny disposition, your cool sense of style, your eyes, your nose, your feet, your stomach, whatever.
I'm happy with myself. Yeah, I'm not in the best shape of my life but I'm working towards that. I'm comfortable in my body. I'm happy with the things I'm doing and the things that I'm trying to accomplish.
If you constantly have to belittle yourself then maybe you should take a step back and look at all the positive attributes. The things that keep you proud and happy, the things that you can confidently claim.
If you want to change, by all means go for it! I'm in the process of dieting and working out but I still love myself, my body, my mind, my decisions, influences, family and friends.
And you most definitely should to.
Confidence is your biggest weapon, use it wisely, but most definitely use it you beautiful people.

Spring is in the air

As I begin my journey into Spring Term I've realized a few very important things.

First and foremost, I miss sports! I MISS SPORTS! I was so active and athletic in high school and since my college career has begun I haven't found the time to exercise this...hobby. That is until this term, when despite the fact that I haven't been removed from the wait list and actually enrolled, I've decided to do Badminton. 

Today was the first day of class....ahh sweet sweet sports. My competitive side thrives on the success of athletic efforts. My muscles rejoice and the flabby flabs cry out in disappointment. This, coupled with the complete diet re-vamp, shall be enough to bring me back into the shape I was in high school. Athletic and active and happy with my curvy body.

I've also realized that I never really challenge my writing abilities. I want to improve, so bad, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. 

Until Script Frenzy that is....

What is Script Frenzy?

It's a writer's dream challenge. 30 days to come up with a decent ONE HUNDRED PAGE script. Yes, 100 pages of whatever I choose to write a script for. I will be the first to admit that I will struggle, boy will I struggle.

However I hope to complete this challenge and that means 3.3 pages at least a day. Will my script be good?

That shall remain to be seen.

More soon.....

Precious

It's 12:29 in the morning of a Friday in which I most definitely should be studying. My mind is flurrying with thoughts, questions, and fantasies that drag me away from the studious tone of Corvallis and into a world that knows only me.
I'm bored. I should start my work but I'm bored and sometimes I just want to be....lazy.
So I watched Precious, that movie that Monique won an Academy Award for.

It was heartbreaking, truly heartbreaking. I'd like to think in my bubble of a world that things like this don't happen. I'd like to think that there really aren't people who are this cruel out in the world, people who lurk in their anger and pounce on those closest to them.

It's a silly thought. I've only been shown a brief amount of darkness in my life, nothing really compared to the past of some. But I know it exists and like most everyone I shoo it into a closet that doesn't get open very often.

Precious was moving, chilling, and inspiring. The story is so sad and desolate and it's hard to find hope. The imagery, the imagination, the story all so realistic. It holds you against a wall and forces you to listen to the story, to take in the life that many actually live.

Very beautiful.